The Scorpion and the Frog

One of my favorite little fables is about the Scorpion and the Frog.  In the story, a scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too." The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?" Replies the scorpion: "It’s my nature.”  I like this story because it makes me think about myself and some of the dumb things I do because it’s my nature. 

We all have those things that are just in our nature.   These are typically bad habits that are detrimental to our success.   For me, this morning, I’m sitting at my desk shaking my head and beating myself up over something I did that is just in my nature.  I sent an email when I was angry.  I know better than to do this.  I’ve done it before and yet despite the experience of living through the repercussions of past emails in anger, despite knowing better, I still sent another.  The current one is probably one of the worst.  I own it; I did it; now I have to live with the fallout as well as all those it affected and those who have been drawn in to my irresponsible action. 

Abraham Lincoln once wrote a letter to General Meade after the battle of Gettysburg.  Lincoln was so angry with Meade he was going to relieve him of his command and ultimately his commission.  Lincoln sat on the letter and never sent it.  Ultimately things worked themselves out.  Lincoln was known for taking time to cool off before he responded to situations.  This story is often cited in communications training, books, and lectures as an example of waiting 24 hours to send an angry response.  I know this rule, I can tell you the story of Lincoln, I know waiting 24 hours is the thing to do and yet it’s in my nature to do what I did – not wait.

I don’t know why I sent that email.   Ego?  Pride?  Frustration?  I sat there hovering over the send button knowing it was dumb.  I knew not to do it.  I knew I’d regret it and yet I still hit send.  I did this in the airport terminal as I was leaving the country for vacation.  The whole time I was on vacation this email and its fallout were on my mind.  While I may have been on vacation my mind was in its own little prison as I continually beat myself up over sending the email.  Today is my first day back in the office and there is indeed fallout.   Not only have I damaged relationships, I’ve put a few of my people in a tough spot and I’ve put my chain of command and a few friends in similar tough spots.  It was just dumb, senseless, and completely uncalled for.   I embarrassed and ashamed of my actions.  I’ll likely be working for months trying to fix this stupid mistake.

I share this with you first as an example of what not to do.  Regardless of how mad, frustrated, or hurt you are, give yourself a chance to calm down before you respond to the person who set you off.  Second, use this as a reminder that angry emails and communications should never be had.  Again, you should take the time to cool off and think before getting drawn in to such a conversation.   Next, take a minute to identify your negative “it’s my nature” habits and be very aware of them.  Work to make them no longer a part of your nature.   Lastly, when you do this kind of thing, take responsibility for it and own it.  It doesn’t help the situation looking for a place to put the blame or trying to deflect it.  Simply own it, apologize, and start rebuilding the havoc you created.  With that said, it’s a lot easier to simply just not do it in the first place…