Building Fences

I have a Jack Russell Terrier named Molly and she loves to play fetch in the front yard.  I typically launch the ball 2-3 houses down the street and she takes off after it running through the neighbor’s yards and driveways as she sprints to catch up with the speeding ball.  We repeat this a dozen or so times until one of us has had enough, typically that’s me.  While we enjoy this game, I sometimes wonder if I’m encroaching on my neighbors by allowing little Molly to run across their yards.  While they have no fence up nor have they told me not to use their yards for our game, I can’t help but ponder whether they take issue with this; after all, it is their yard.

Today we’re going to talk about setting boundaries and expectations with others.  We’ll use my fetch story.  Realistically I know I don’t own those yards nor do I realistically have any business allowing my dog to run through them but I allow her to do so anyways.  If they told me to stop I would.  On the neighbor’s side maybe they don’t care, I’m assuming they don’t, but what if they did?  I’m simply going to keep taking advantage of them (or in this case their yard) but what if this was causing them stress or anxiety?  What if they have dog phobia or allergies to dogs?  What if they’re worried about their kid or their pets? 

If they did not like me using their yard and they’re politely not saying anything to me they aren't doing either of any favors.  Chances are they’re building up anger and/or resentment toward Molly and me, and I’m simply stoking the fire by continuing with my actions.  I know it’s not my yard but I’ll keep playing in it until they tell me otherwise.  As with all events like this, eventually it’ll come to a head and typically in an explosive manner.  Afterwards we’ll likely part ways and be adversarial for a few months until that dies down.  Meanwhile all the neighbors around us will feel awkward when we’re both around. 

Great story Don, but what does Molly have to do with leadership?  We all have those people in our work and personal lives that like to push into our “yards” and seemingly take advantage of us or our lack of formal boundaries.  Sometimes they do this because they don’t know any better but sometimes they simply do it because we let them.   It’s so easy to resolve this and yet we seldom do for whatever reason.  Typically we’d rather let it slide, get a little more frustrated, let it slide again, get a little more frustrated, and continue this cycle until “BAM” that last straw happens and things get messy. 

These messes can easily be avoided by simply setting boundaries and expectations.  If someone is doing something you don’t like or intruding on your space or getting in to your business, let them know.  Do it nicely but let them know.  There’s a really good chance they had no idea they crossed a boundary.  Take a moment and set some boundaries with them.  These can come in the form of expectations, rules, or just an FYI.  Make sure you let the person know you are not okay with what they’re doing and you don’t expect it to continue.  If they don’t know they've violated a boundary you can’t expect for them to not do it again.  Once you set the boundary and the person violates it, you can remind them.  If they continually violate this boundary then you know you have an issue and you can seek further action though that's a topic for another day.

Take care -don